My First Experience with Death
I still remember the feel of my grandfather’s hand. Rough and rubbery. With my touch I hoped to feel something real, something that reminded me of him. In my young teenage mind I compared him to a rotting potato and the smell of flowers next to his casket was overwhelming. While it certainly was his body, he was not in there. I asked myself, “Is my gregarious grandfather now reduced to a shrinking, stinky potato? And where was he exactly?” My first funeral was nothing like I’d imagined. I had carefully prepared before hand by selecting, somewhat dramatically, a black and white dress, long white gloves, white boots and a pair of 70’s back and white sunglasses. Perhaps I was trying to look how I imagined one would look in honour of their loved one.
My thoughts were swirling and I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the idea that he was gone forever. ‘They’ say mediums know they are mediums from birth, but I didn’t. I was frightened of death. Petrified. And each night was another opportunity to pray to God in the sky to save me and all family members from death and or worse... burning hell. Religion had gotten the best of me and I feared death like the plague.
My mind was momentarily taken away from my grandpa's body as I remembered the special times we’d shared; World Cup soccer on the couch, marmalade and lemon meringue toast, talks of my growing muscles and Popeye, my iron levels and the weather. It all seemed so far away now, as if it our time together was a dream.
He later made a few appearances in my dreams as his way of letting me know he was okay and still here.
The dreamworld acts as the bridge between worlds. When our conscious mind rests, our soul soars outside the confines of our who we think we are where spirit communication is natural.
The part of all of us that soars during sleep knows who we truly are, and just as we go to sleep after a long day and wake up in the morning, death is a similar transition only we find ourselves waking up after being asleep in the physical world. Deceased loved ones and NDE experiencers will often say that the other world felt more real, warm, loving, blissful and they had no desire to come back other than to love better and even fulfill something for God.
In actuality, we will always remain connected to our loved ones after death even though they are quite happy to be on the other side.
Imagine suddenly waking up without pain? No more fear, anxiety, self-doubt, self-consciousness, etc? No longer having to carry the weight of other’s expectations? We experience a delicious rest and play period on the other side where we are fully supported before our next journey begins.
In my mind’s eye I often ‘check up’ on my grandpa and all of my loved ones (including my animals) in heaven. Love fills my heart and sometimes tears come to my eyes. I now know that there is no time or space and even though my younger self likes to doubt God’s plan from time to time, I reassure her that life is indeed beautiful and goes by in the flash of an eye.
If you are seeking to feel your loved one again, simply think of them. Sit quietly and ask for them to come closer to you. Calm your heart and open your mind. Allow memories to come to mind of time spent together. Be careful not to doubt lest you create a temporary chink in the soul connection between you. If you do find yourself stuck in doubt and fear, be kind to yourself and breathe. Sit down and begin again at a later time. Your loved one will always come and help you in any way they can and remember, they to, are taking part in a grand adventure, beyond anything our minds can conceive.
Shana Lee xo